what day is it?

Paul and Grayson are snuggling (sleeping) upstairs so I'm taking a minute to get all of my thoughts together before I forget...

First, if you have called, emailed, messaged, texted, commented on baby pictures, etc... I promise you haven't been forgotten or lost in the shuffle. We appreciate every bit of congratulations and support that we have received from you. Right now, it is seriously helping me get through the days and challenging nights. To be completely honest, I've definitely been feeling a little bit of those "baby blues." Not too much and it doesn't last long but it is nice to be able to think of all of your sweet comments and well-wishes when it hits. And I know my good friends are wondering what it's been like so far since I haven't been able to really talk much (or at all), so here I go...

I have been trying to think of a way to describe what it's like to go through this entire process from pregnancy to labor & deliver and then postpartum and once you get home for that first night... but it really is impossible. Needless to say, Paul is going through a huge transition, too, but I can't even describe my rollercoaster of emotions in a way that he can understand yet. And let me tell you, THAT is frustrating because he knows me better than anyone and is always able to read me and the fact that this is something new he can't read yet and that I can't make him experience himself is just... SO frustrating! I really hate hearing "advice" or comments like I'm about say, but it is really an experience all its own -- not something you can relate like happiness, sadness, etc. It's like one crazy huge, consuming emotion that I'll never be able to pinpoint and that I'm pretty sure will never go away. Kind of like trying to describe love but even a million times more difficult than that.

And the taking-care-of-a-newborn experience as a whole is just overwhelming and exhausting but also pumped full of joy and that big crazy love emotion I can't describe. A lighter way of describing it is just, "What day is it, again?" It's amazing how the days have really flown by since we've been home but also strange how they are all just like one big long day. One of my co-workers told me that at some point in the first two weeks I would probably wonder whether I was coming or going, had I just changed a diaper or did I go to the bathroom, whether or not I had eaten that day, etc... and he is right! I'm getting the hang of it a little more everyday and I'm finally catching up on some sleep (or at least as "caught up" as I can be) and figuring out a rhythm that works for Grayson but it is hard! I hoped I would have that maternal instinct and just "know" what to do or even just be able to go with the flow and make it work as it happens but it is so much harder than that. I spent 9 months with this little guy inside of me and I am getting to know him just as if he stepped in without any warning at all. Again, a frustrating process but one that has also been pretty fun and definitely worth it.

Mostly, I just love this baby boy so much and I know that I just can't let anything happen to him. He is so precious, has the sweetest chubby cheeks, the softest skin, the cutest little button nose (maybe the only thing on him that's little since he is such a "big" boy!), and just irresistible. The nights have been a bit difficult (though last night this started getting much better now that we are hopefully finding some sort of rhythm), but he's more joy and fun than my heart can even handle sometimes! When Paul and I get a chance to just lay with him and check him out we just have to say, "He is so cute!" Or comment on his chubby cheeks and thighs.

I seriously CAN'T wrap my mind around the fact that he will be one week old tomorrow. I am already crying thinking about it. A week ago I was in early labor and still thought he would never come. Now, it's already hard to remember or imagine what our life together would be like without him! Crazy!

I know I have some currently prego friends and family members who read this and have really been wanting to know about the labor part. So, without being graphic or over-the-top I might attempt a summary of that later on tonight since it has been a week but it is still fresh on my mind. :)

Yesterday, since Paul had to work, my mom came over and brought us and Grayson some things we needed and cleaned, did laundry, picked things up, heated up lunch for me, got me something to drink if I was thirsty, watched Grayson so I could shower, held him... she was seriously a saint and a half for me yesterday. And my dad came later in the afternoon after he had just gotten off of a flight in downtown Atlanta to help, too. He held him, fed him, burped him... they just helped me with anything and everything! I didn't realize there was so much that could be done, I guess (I have been in a haze where everything just blurs together). And Grayson had his first all-out crying fit and they helped me with the process of elimination on that, too. It was nice to have help especially because I started having a lot of pain again yesterday and even walking up and down the stairs is hard right now.

Now that all of that is out of my system and into the blogosphere (that's all I can muster and all I think anyone will have time or energy to read)... here is some cuteness to sustain my more visual readers:

I think this was our second day/night home? (I can't keep track)

From Baby Grayson

Emma getting to hold him for the first time

From Baby Grayson

His face gets smushed when we try to burp him like this (leaning forward)

From Baby Grayson

This is one of my dad's favorites (speaking of my dad... I have another blog on that haha)

From Baby Grayson

It's exhausting being so cute

From Baby Grayson

He puts his hands up to his face a LOT (hence the mittens to keep him from scratching)

From Baby Grayson

Paul swaddled him up like a chunky burrito

From Baby Grayson

After his first bath at home:

From Baby Grayson